2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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