I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
