Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
