He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
