And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
