Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
