3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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