I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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