last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
