I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
