HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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