If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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