Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
