Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize