i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
