Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
50% drunk capacity currently
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
