Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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