After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
