Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's never too late to be topless.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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