new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
