fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
