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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
