There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
