Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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