I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
