so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
