that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just had sex on a roof
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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