Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
