did you get engaged???
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
