if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize