my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just had sex bonerless
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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