I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
