the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
