Umm I'm too high to move.
I smell stomach acid.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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