and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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