What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
