Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
