peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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