My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dick very happy bro
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