is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
