on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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