Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
