Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
