God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize