My cat gives me a boner
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
