Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
home. puking in laundry basket.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
