This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
