you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
