OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize