y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
this hospital has no fireball
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
