what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
