You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
