What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
