hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
