I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
