why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
