I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
