If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
