FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is the high leading the old right now
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
