THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
