i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
