just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize