This girl is more easily done than said...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
