he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
high people should be assigned attendants
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
