last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wish there were birth control emojis
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
