it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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