I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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