One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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