i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
