Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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