At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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